Suppression? Nope. It's Worst

I was reading the New York Times when I came across this article about a play regarding gays in the 50s in London. This reminded me of something I have been thinking about for a couple of years now, which I describe in a bit.

If you know anything about the Honors Program at Augsburg, you would know that students in the program are required to take certain interesting classes. One of those classes is this one called The Scholar Citizen, which was about pragmatism and the cultural genocide if it takes over (at least that's what I wrote about in my last paper for that class).

Now, during class, we read a biased book about Freud and Lewis, which talked about both men and their views about life, religion, love, etc. Along with the class, we had to take this Theatre Lab where students more or less came up with vignettes concerning the book about these two men. Well, Freud talked about suppression of feelings. And my group decided that we will go with that (vignette on suppression of feelings).

[vignette members]

So, in the vignette I was a gay brother of this dude with this friend and I had a girlfriend. And somehow at the end I came out because my character was suppressing his feelings of being gay. But, after reading this article, I realized what I had thought all along: the problem was not 'suppressing feelings'; the problem was society not allowing people to be who they are!

The whole idea of 'suppression' is nothing else than a sinister societal evil. And that was the big revelation of the day for me.

My take on the 2010 DFL Gubernatorial Cadidates

So, I have been involved in politics for sometime now. I am familiar with some of the contestants running for governor this year - DFL, GOP, Independent. But due to the fact that the issues I care most about are not welcome in the GOP - so I will not bother to cover those here. The only independent who showed good intentions towards immigrants was Peter Hutchinson in 2006. This year I predict, just as GOPers and Marty Seifert being the worst of all, the Independent candidates will go after immigrants, for example, as Pawlenty and even Hatch, DFL candidate, did in 2006. I do wish I am wrong about the Independent and that he (predicting it will be a white male this year again) does no go after immigrants.

As you might already know, I am working with TakeAction MN with their reNEW MN Campaign to elect a progressive governor this year. Through that I have gotten to know a lot about the candidates - three of which we have endorsed: R.T. Rybak, Margaret Anderson-Kelliher, & Paul Thissen.

With that said, here is my take on the candidates - all 10 of them (all white males, but two white females):


Steve Kelley - He is a professor at the U of M and at one point said he would have failed T-Paw in his economics class because T-Paw does not have the necessary background in economics (yet he runs the state....). He is the only candidate who has spoken to the interconnectedness of systems (edu, transportation, workforce, etc) and how they affect communities. He speaks from the heart, and I like that.
Susan Geartner - Oh Susan... I do not think she is getting anywhere this year. I notice she is not winning the DFL nomination, especially after saying in a forum that she will win the Independents, but never really talked about how she was to win the democrats. What I did like about her is that she called T-Paw and his policies racist during the kick-off of the reNEW MN Campaign at my beloved Arlington High School in St. Paul.
Mark Dayton - He's loud and has a lot of money. He does support an expansion to gambling, which is against state and tribal governments agreement from the 80s where the casino monopoly is governed by tribes and not state government - such expansion will take a away resources from tribes. And we all know we don't have the highest respect for tribes (historically). Dayton's stance on this should be abhorrent especially because tribes struggle more than cities economically. This is a no no. Tribes should not pay for the rest of the state - they have paid enough already.
John Marty - What is surprising here is that even though he is the most progressive candidate, he did not get the endorsement from this progressive organization (decisions made by members only). This is definitely a blow to his campaign. He lost the 3rd spot by 11 votes. Some had cited whether or not he was "electable" since he was so progressive - call this an irony.
Tom Bakk - very nice dude. Not getting far this time.
Margaret Anderson-Kelliher - Oh what to say about Margaret.... Well, I want to say I like her and that I support her. BUT at the same time, I just don't feel it for her. When she speaks she doesn't sound genuine; it almost feels like she is reading off a script every time she speaks. There is no real connection anymore. I did hear someone say she has been good with affordable housing, but at the same time, like she has done with other issues, I wonder if she will be willing to risk it for the right thing or if she would give up to not jeopardize her career. She did come 2nd yesterday with the precinct caucus.
Matt Entenza - Oh Entenza. Well first of all, he has some good record in working for people, but he has lost it for me. I was at this Latin@ Forum last year and how he started his introduction was how he has been singled out because his last name is "Hispanic." He even called himself "Mateo." Like everyone speaks Spanish. Who in the world would do that to try to "connect" to people? Only Matt Entenza. However, in reality, he came off very arrogantly, and even offensive. I am also surprised that Carlos Mariani and Kith Ellison are supporting this dude - it almost seems that their support is a loyalty vote and nothing else. Both men have been supported by Entenza some way or another, in their campaigns or nonprofit. I love Carlos, but I was disappointed in his decision to endorse this highly arrogant individual. Lets move on.
Tom Rukavina - He's so funny! But that's not going to get him elected of course. Maybe it can help him. He did make the best first ad for what seems to be a highly contested political season though. I really like how he speaks and how he connects to people at many levels. He has been always there for people of color, at least from my experience with him. He has also been willing to call on the governor, which is brave to do. More importantly, when he knows something is not going to pass in the legislature, he will do what he can to create compromises to pass something at least. The concern is whether or not he has the support this year, which is unfortunate.
R.T. Rybak - He is probably my favorite candidate, with some flaws of course. But he has really done a lot for all communities in Minneapolis. He also likes Augsburg a ton and has been present when we invite him. He also believes in the potential of all kids and supports rights for all people. He also passed the law in Minneapolis that separates local police from Immigration agents - which is not only a smart decision economically, but it is also important for the immigrant communities in Minneapolis. We need such a policy state-wide. He has also done much for education and small businesses. He was the one who got the most votes at the reNEW MN Campaign annual meeting and got more people to caucus for him than any other DFL candidate. He also has the blue catching eyes.
Paul Thissen - I think Paul is the only candidate who has so far spoken to my principles. That is, he says his campaign is about hope for the future. At one forum he talked about seeing the world like a child, which yeah it sounds naive and whatever, but he said that a child sees the world where success in life was based on the potential of people and not where people from from - so, under a child's views, before being corrupted by society, there is no discrimination of any sort, everyone has the same opportunities, everyone gets a fair advantage in life. I do not think he is going far this time, but hopefully one day he has a chance. Everyone likes his hair! Including me :)

Well, there you have it. While I still remain skeptic on some of the candidates described above, I do know candidates for the other major party do not represent my values whatsoever this time.

Cheers to an exciting political season this year! LOL

I wish many things did not exist

Today I spent my morning at this reNEW MN event where we as members endorsed three preferred progressive candidates for governor of MN this year.

After quite a long day, I came back to campus. Then Peter Miller, student leader here at Augsburg, invited me to come assist with Campus Kitchens to bring food to a homeless shelter in Downtown Mnpls. I said yes when I could have chosen to go to sleep or really do nothing meaningful (I knew I wasn't going to do homework for the day anymore).

We got on the new beast (older van really was an interesting automobile) and headed to downtown. I had done this shift before, but it had been a while now. I have chosen to do other things with my time. But I did remember how hopeless I felt every time I helped with giving food at the homeless shelter.

So, we got there and unloaded the beast. We got some plates ready for those who came late, so that they would still have something to eat. Peter made sure what we were serving plates that contained all kinds of proteins and the sort, so that meals were actually meals and not just fillers for the night. Then to start serving the food, a door-like window opened, and there again I saw what I saw the last time I was there: human beings laying on mats all across the floor, some standing, waiting for food for the night. It is a sad sight, from my side. I cannot imagine what it is to be on the other side.

Today I went to serve the food donated from our cafeteria and other places. I went only knowing that I was going to be back home by around 9pm. I went there knowing that I was really tired and that I was going to be back to my cozy bed pretty soon. I went there knowing that my roommates and I have not bothered to clean our apartment. I went there knowing where I get the next meals for the week, month even. My privileges are really exposed.

As we were serving the food, we made sure everyone got a good meal, at least a good meal out of what we had to offer. But as we were doing that, I tried to look at the people taking each plate. In a way, I felt that act was degrading. How would I feel if I were on the other side of the window? How would I feel if I were the one taking the place, staying in one of the mats for the night, getting kicked out the next morning?

Trying to glance at the people receiving the food was hard because of the multitasking required. But I did get to see a couple of people. Many of the men there were adults in their +30s, but there was this one person who looked so much like me, so young like me, so full of life, so discouraged by life. His eyes were sad. He did not smile. No one should live like this! [That brought me back to hearing from leaders trying to end homelessness who have said that younger people are very vulnerable in the streets for many reasons, one of them being young.]

Many of the men gave us the thanks for the food and the work. There were some who did not want this or that, but generally everyone gave us a smile. That is rewarding, but at the same time, it made me angry! In a state where we have thousands of foreclosed homes, we have many homeless - how does that make sense?

Really, while at the shelter, it was a sight of desolation, a situation in our society that should make each of us ashamed. It was a reminder that human beings are falling victims of policies that do not value humanity. Basic example is the budget cut Gov. Pawlenty made to the General Assistance Medical Care(GAMC)for really vulnerable Minnesotans, which runs out in April (initially it was ending on March, but after seeing the reaction of thousand of Minnesotans, Pawlenty somehow found funding for the program for one more month. Delaying the issue is not a solution - not now, not ever). He wants GAMC members, to join MN CARE, but that is not a viable solution for many. We must take action against that immoral act by the governor because we can choose to do so.

I wish homeless shelters did not exist because they are only needed because we are inadequate at ensuring everyone a decent life, or having permanent housing. We are not willing to address the systemic issues, often times just because of politics and not because the belief that every human being deserves to live a dignified life. While it is great that programs like Campus Kitchens exist, they are an underliner to the real problems.

At the same time, for example, I wish Admission Possible (AP) did not exist. AP assists low-income students prepare for the ACT and gain access to college. Mind you, I am a beneficiary of this program, but if the education system was just and actually ensuring students naturally went to college, then AP would not be needed. I was dissapointed when President Obama said AP was a great program (it is believe me) and that it should even be in more cities, 50 even! Instead, he should have said that programs like AP should not be needed because he was actually going to address the systemic issues, unlike past politicians, including Bush and Tim Pawlenty (MN has the worst numbers when it comes to students of color and white students, and it has only gotten worse since these two came to power). Now AP is expanding! I am sure it is going to expand where it is needed, where education is lagging at doing its job. AP should be a sign of failure for districts, something that exposes inequality in those cities, inequality that has not been addressed (and that AP is not going to solve - it only accepts a number of students, promising students only).

It is not until we address those underlining issues that we will not need programs like homeless shelters or Admission Possible (we should not need them). These programs are picking up the lagging of such systems. They are generally privately funded, so the public does not say much. But if that money came directly from taxes, probably people would pay more attention. What a shame.

In the mean time, we have the moral responsibility to care for each other - whether that is providing a meal one night or working with students in using their full potential. I just hope this is not a permanent situation - I want homeless shelters gone and Admission Possible as just a great memory because then everyone will have a home and all students having the same opportunities to attending college. But we all have the moral responsibility to act in order to see the change we wish to see in the world. Whether we take that responsibility or not is a question all those of us who have the means to do so is another thing.

Having Racist Thoughts

Today I had a great meeting with someone about human capacity and the innovation in ideas from young people like me. Then I headed for class--I was already late. And the bus-ride seemed to be long.

When I sat, I made the conscious decision to sit by an African American older man. A bit of background here is important: I grew up in an environment where people of color and Native American are seen as less even if sometimes we as people of color are making such prejudices. My point is that I know white privilege exists and that often times whites have a better starting line in life than brown people. But sometimes we discriminate within our own ethnic groups (will write about this another time). Other times we discriminate or hold prejudices of other minority ethnic groups (minorities only in the U.S. because we are majority globally).

When I took that sit, I made the decision to not sit by the white college student across from the African American man I chose to sit by. Right when I sat, I started thinking about who this person right next to me might me. He was reading the sports section in the newspaper. I begun to write in my cute black leather journal about the meeting I had just had (I didn't want to forget those new thoughts about humanity, the power of youth, and my role int he world!). On the top of the page where I was writing I had previously written something in Spanish sometime ago (talk about not letting everyone know what you are writing while in the bus, right?).

My first thoughts about this man were the following. Well, he's African American and is on the bus--was wearing "ordinary" clothing. The story I started to make up, through my lenses of what inequality in the world is, was that this man, right next to me, is probably living in poverty, probably doesn't have a job (it was after 11am when this happened), and probably has no formal eduction or any "advanced" education. This I was thinking while listening to La Oreja de Van Gogh, Beyoncé and Gloria Trevi because I did not find the book I am reading for pleasure (I usually forger where I am while reading).

I am not proud of this and I will never say I have never before had racist thoughts.

Well, my assumptions, which sometimes could hold true due to the history of inequality in the nation, were wrong. The person sitting next to me asked in Spanish where I was from (here I frown because I always get this question and it always leads to me getting annoyed for certain reasons). I looked at him funny and asked, "What?" And I think this question came from my beliefs of who he might have been and the disbelief that a black man could speak Spanish so well. I even started thinking about other options to why he might speak Spanish. Was he from the Caribbean? How could he speak Spanish? My stereotyping was falling apart!

Then, after a small conversation with this soft spoken person, I learned that he had lived in Guatemala and Mexico in the past. He used to be a Spanish professor. And now studies Latin Literature. WOW! WHAT?!

I, as an individual committed to social justice, must learn to think of people as people first. I must learn to acknowledge that there are differences between communities, but that stereotypes are stereotypes and were created to be challenged. I must learn to name what it is I think and feel when events happen. Today, I felt compelled to sit by a black man because I have learned that race does not define a person as I have been told many times before. Today, though, I learned that I still hold racist thoughts. I do believe we all hold them, but my first step to progress as a person, is to name it and bring it up whenever I can. And that is exactly what I am doing here. Again, I am not proud of it, but naming it might assist me having less racist thoughts, if not eradicating them from my systems (which I don't think is possible).

Glee-ed Advent Vespers Wanted

It has been sometime now that I have been told about that Glee show. Although I have only seen two episodes of it, I enjoyed the show's over-the-top humor. Of course, there is something to day about a show that for the "first time" tried hard to be racially, sexual-orientation, ability, and so forth diverse. At the same time it does look like that is what is trying to do, but that's besides the point.

Tonight I got to go to Advent Vespers, of course after being for a few minutes at Holidazzle before going to eat. I went with my great roommate and another friend. There we saw many fellow Augsburg, and I am sure many more Norwegian descendants who gathered for the 30th Anniversary of Advent Vespers.

Anyways, I had been to this event my first year of college, which seems a LONG time ago, but it was only the winter of 2007. And last time I had been a bit troubled by the organized religion of it all. This time I actually wanted to enjoy it, and for a couple of hours not think too much about the readings, the lyrics, etc. It was a time to go see fellow friends be part of something great of Augsburg. And it was.

But at the same time, whenever those songs with tones that made me want to stand and rock back and forth (not a music expert here by the way) and sing (which hardly ever happens if it is not Paquita la del Barrio, Lady Gaga, Shakira, before her whatever she's doing now, or Banda Limon, etc).

More importantly, I envisioned, as all the choirs did their thing, that some people would start dancing and performing as characters in Glee do. In my mind it all worked out, of course there would be no "Wheels" because the church does not have that capacity from what I could tell. I kept smiling throughout the whole service because it was so fun to imagine it! Oh, how I wish it had happened though.

Overall, though, Advent Vespers is a great event. Yeah it is part of organized religion, but that has its ups and downs as everything else. I am not as reluctant to build alliances with people who are part of congregations and with congregation of course.

A Cold Evening

So, last Sunday I was losing it and decided to take a walk by the Mississippi River. I got my sweater on, put on my sneakers and of course got my iPod on.

As I was walking by the river, almost half way done with my walk, I decided to sit down and just be there. It was a few somber and tranquil minutes of just sitting by the river, listening to my romantic and cynical iPod shuffle, thinking, reflecting, and watching life go by in the city. Then I realized I had been there for a few minutes and I was getting cold. It was getting chilly out there. And it was getting dark too. I decided I would go back to my room and maybe eat something.

As I was getting up, I started to think about what I had just thought: will just go back to my room and maybe eat something. I know there are many things that I cannot control in my life and that sometimes that sucks, but on Sunday, that evening, I had somewhere to go. And cash to go to Hardtimes and get what I always get when I go there.

Was it guilt I was feeling because of the privileges I have? Was it pity because others don't have what I currently have? To be honest, I have no idea what it was. For sure I know that I was recognizing those privileges I enjoy today, such as having somewhere to go and where to eat without thinking twice. I was also thinking about what it would feel not having anywhere to go, anywhere to eat, no one to go to for assistance. And in reality I have no idea how that feels. I have always had these privileges at least.

I need to work on understanding my privileges, using them for the common good, and not being scared to talk about them. I need to do more than this I know.

What a weekend!

So, I've been sick for a few days now--it sucks for sure. But the kool thing has been to have a really cool roommate (who might be sick now too--no!) who takes care of you :)

I haven't really been able to do anything because of my illness--the joke had been that for once in MN we had a real Mexican with H1N1, but I did't have it. No joke then--just me with a bad cold. But Samalama even made soup.

We'll see how he feels in the next few days--going to try to learn to cook something, so I can make it for him...but hoping he doesn't really get that sick.